Amongst the huge volume of badly written, presumptuous mental bio-hazards which clog my inbox, ‘punish me, Mistress‘ is a phrase which crops up exceedingly often.

Every time I open a message like this, even before the exasperation manages to catch up to me, is just the thought ‘for what?!’

Now, I appreciate that these messages come from people who have no idea about D/s, and view ‘punishment’ as kinky fun times with a latex-clad domme and her non-ergonomic handled flogger.

Nevertheless, the idea that I would refer to [insert method of inflicting pain de jour] as punishment bothers me.

I am a sadist. I make absolutely no secret of this fact. If I want to hurt a submissive, I WILL JUST DO IT. I don’t need an excuse. I don’t need to contrive some obscure transgression. I will hurt them because I enjoy it. Because I am a sadist.

What is more, to my mind, it would be disingenuous and unfair to the sub to do otherwise. An inherent part of (at least most) submissives is a desire to please. As a dynamic develops, that desire grows stronger. The will of their dominant becomes more and more important – the idea of pleasing the dominant goes beyond wanting to make someone else happy.

Far enough into subspace, it can even seem like their primary purpose for existing. In that space, disappointing their dominant is an acutely unpleasant feeling.

Now, that is naturally not an inherently bad thing. It can be very useful to me, where there is something to punish. It doesn’t make hurting them any less enjoyable. It’s just that if I, a sadist, want to enjoy hurting a masochist, this does not necessarily need to be an unpleasant experience for them – masochists enjoy getting hurt. I enjoy hurting them. There is no reason this cannot be mutually enjoyable where it is for my pleasure.

Note: I am aware of the idea of ‘funishments’, but they are a separate topic, and to my mind ‘punishment’ refers to actual punishment.