Articles & Guides

Effective Punishments for Subs: A Comprehensive Guide for BDSM Dynamics

March 16, 2025

A comprehensive guide to effective punishments for subs: from exploring the role of submissive punishment to a step-by-step on how to set effective protocol, this guide covers all the bases.

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Maintenance Spanking: Why & How To Add It To Your Relationship

November 14, 2023

A quick guide, covering the FAQs around maintenance spanking in D/s dynamics, including protocols, intensity levels, how to distinguish maintenance and punishment discipline and practical troubleshooting.

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Why Male Chastity Is Not A Femdom Essential

September 27, 2023

Chastity is often framed as a must-have in femdom dynamics. Have a read and delve into why male chastity really isn't a femdom essential.

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Punishment vs Funishment – An Important Distinction

July 24, 2023

Distinguishing punishment vs funishment is not just semantics. It's central to clear communication on a topic which is the backbone of power exchange dynamics.

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Jonah Hill, Boundaries, and ‘Being Controlling’ in a D/s Context

July 10, 2023

A quick topical write up of a conversation I had with a friend about Jonah Hill, boundaries and what it means to be controlling.

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Accepting Sadism: Separating Hurt & Harm

June 16, 2023

Separating hurt and harm is crucial to understanding sadism. If you're curious about how sadism works, or if you're struggling to reconcile your own sadistic inclinations, have a read.

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Why Submission Is Not A Gift

May 29, 2023

'Submission is a gift' is more than just a poor analogy - it fundamentally misrepresents the foundations of D/s . Here's why it's high time to consign this tired trope…

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How To Set Effective Protocol in a 24/7 Dynamic

May 20, 2023

A pragmatic guide on crafting life-proof protocol - whether you're a newcomer or an experienced pro, these tips should help you design protocol which sticks!

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Low, Medium & High Protocol: Understanding the Levels

May 14, 2023

A quick intro to protocol in BDSM, including a whistle stop tour of high protocol, low protocol and 'medium' protocol.

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Why Lifestyle D/s?

May 8, 2023

What does being a lifestyle domme mean and why do I have a 24/7 TPE dynamic? Here's the very post to answer those questions.

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RIP ‘Gentle Femdom’, An Outdated Term

February 10, 2022

'Gentle femdom' forces another false dichotomy on female dominance. Here's why we should let the label 'gentle femdom' rest in peace.

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Appearance Is Not The Foundation of Female Dominance

November 13, 2021

‘You want me, but you can’t have me. You’re not worthy,’ whispers the latex-clad dominatrix stereotype with her over-lined red lips. Her power stems in the fact she is an…

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Why ‘Force Me To Submit’ Can Be A Red Flag

September 19, 2021

‘I need someone to force me to submit’ is yet another sentiment which shows up in my inbox surprisingly often. It has rubbed me the wrong way for as long…

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The Difference Between ‘Kink’ and ‘Fetish’

August 27, 2021

The words ‘kink’ and ‘fetish’ are often used synonymously. They are however quite distinct. To give you the Cliff Notes – most kinks aren’t fetishes, but fetishes are kinks. When…

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Why A Sub’s Inexperience Can Be a Red Flag

August 22, 2021

Inexperienced subs often cite said inexperience as the most significant barrier to finding a dominant. I’ve heard subs compare it to the Catch 22 posed by a lot of entry…

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The Sub / Domme Ratio

July 8, 2021

'The ratio' of dommes to subs is a myth. So, why do so many male subs claim that finding a domme is impossible?

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‘What appeals to you about being a domme?’

June 9, 2021

As far as my frequently occurring frustrations go, this one is both particularly frequent and frustrating. Why? Well...

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24/7 TPE: A Helpful Definition

June 7, 2021

24/7 TPE is often misunderstood, so here's a helpful definition. '24/7' refers to a dynamic with no 'off' switch. 'TPE' refers to the extent of control.

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‘Can I be your sub?’

February 16, 2020

This particularly inane question comes in two main variants; either in the opening message, or after a few questions about me, with very little effort to engage with my answers.…

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Why I Dislike The ‘Narrative of Punishment’

December 18, 2019

Amongst the huge volume of badly written, presumptuous mental bio-hazards which clog my inbox, ‘punish me, Mistress‘ is a phrase which crops up exceedingly often. Every time I open a…

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The Taming of the Shrew

December 10, 2019

Shakespeare is perhaps not the first place that someone’s mind might go when thinking of D/s, but I have been fond of ‘The Taming of the Shrew’ since I first…

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‘Ask me anything’

August 10, 2019

I have been answering quite a large volume of messages recently, and I thought I would write some posts on the things which bother me most often, and why. I…

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Why A Sadist Won’t ‘Take It Out’ On You

May 26, 2019

If I happened to mention I am having a bad day in the course of conversation with a potential sub, I can usually expect something along the lines of ‘so…

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‘So, what do you like doing to your subs?’

February 5, 2019

There’s a question that has been doggedly pursuing me, in its assorted variants, throughout my interactions with potential submissives: ‘So, what do you like doing to your subs?’ It seems…

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Male Submission Is Not Weakness

December 22, 2018

The link bewteen submission and weakness has always been present, and the increasing emphasis on ultimate personal autonomy has only strengthened that idea.

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Due Deference: ‘Masculinity’ and Approaching a Domme

December 17, 2018

Having just written about how male submissives frequently sabotage any chance of successfully developing a dynamic with a domme through ‘pedestalising’ them – approaching them with platitudes about ‘service’, ‘worship’,…

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The Distance from the Pedestal

December 15, 2018

Given the height of the pedestal we dommes are put on by the sycophantic hoards, it's no wonder we get a little cold. 

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Fifty Shades: My Addition to the Eternal Controversy

December 13, 2018

Hectolitres of electronic ink have been poured out by various bloggers in the BDSM community on the subject of the ‘Fifty Shades‘ trilogy and, in many respects, the matter has…

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Domestic Service: Scene versus Reality

December 13, 2018

My thoughts on domestic servitude as a part of a Femdom dynamic

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