Seriously. There is no need.
Findom is not a default. While findom might be considered a valid kink between consenting adults, it’s a distinct fetish. You don’t have to be into findom to find a domme. If it’s not your thing, you don’t need to engage with it.
In fact, there are plenty of lifestyle dommes out there who want a relationship / dynamic / casual play.
For the right person, you have inherent value. D/s is supposed be symbiotic – a mutual fulfilment of needs and wants. You deserve more than trying to buy fake attention or affection or sexual gratification.
By default, you do not need to pay for the attention of another person. It’s just not how healthy human relationships work.
Sex work is real work – it is valid and there are plenty of places for sex workers to advertise. However, r/femdompersonals is not one of them. Financial exchange is strictly prohibited under our rules.
A reputable pro-domme or sex worker of any kind will not randomly approach you on Reddit.
If you want to seek out a pro, go for it! Honestly, if you want someone to just fulfil your kinks, pay them for that service. There’s absolutely no shame in it. Look for local dommes in your area – legitimate pros will usually have their own websites, complete with testimonials and what they require from prospective clients.
Remember real pro-dommes do not need to come to you; they do not need to lie to you or try to manipulate you.
So, unless you have found a reputable pro….
Scammers have apparently normalised it online, but it is absolutely not normal or necessary.
Never. Ever. Exchange. Money.
Don’t do it.
And by ‘money’, I mean everything including: tribute fees, subscription fees, subscribing to OnlyFans, buying items for another person, buying items for yourself on the demand of another person, giving them Amazon gift cards or buying from wishlists, paying for their dogs surgery, paying for their flights, paying for a new phone. This also includes paying for ‘room booking fees’ or subscribing to a paid ‘BDSM dating site’ or ‘BDSM Directory’.
If anybody ever asks you for any of the above, block them immediately and try using the subreddit’s new reporting system.
The other vital way you can protect yourself from scammers is to take your privacy online seriously.
You will be surprised how easy it can be to find you. Consider the following:
The following are amber-flags, not automatic red flags and should be considered in context of the other person. However, if someone displays multiple of the below behaviours / traits, at the very least, proceed with caution.
Scammers commonly:
…don’t get too hung upon on it. It does unfortunately happen, despite best efforts.
It can feel embarrassing and humiliating and terrifying – but you will be okay.
Most of the time, these people aren’t going to release anything. They just want money.
If you give them any money, they will always want more money.
Do not pay them. Nothing.
If a blackmailer sends you or tells you the name of your friends, family members, or work place, the severity of the threat has increased and must be taken much more seriously by involving the real authorities.