This frustration is particularly frequent and frustrating. Why? Simply because question fundamentally misunderstands what D/s is. No one pursues D/s as a lifestyle because they sat down and considered why it would be a good idea.

D/s is an an expression of (at least) a part of yourself which is already there. So, in essence, this question is tantamount to asking someone ‘so what appeals to you about being yourself?’

Think about being asked that for a moment.

Do you enjoy being you? What aspects do you most enjoy about being yourself? What do you find compelling about being yourself?

These are at first sight difficult questions, because of their incredible breadth. Everyone enjoys some aspects of their lives and not others. Everyone has better days and worse days, days where they like themselves more or less. There is no way an answer can even be attempted without writing something approaching an essay or three.

My main issue, however is that, if you think about it, they’re pretty much impossible to give any reasonable answer to simply because you have never been anyone else. You have no point of comparison.

Being dominant is part of who and how I am. It is an integral part of me. It’s entwined with how I feel, how I view romantic relationships, what I want from life. In some ways, the ‘pure domme’ version of me – that is, me in space – is the most distilled version of me as a person.

So, in short, this a pointless and unanswerable question. Stop asking it.