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Memories

Making Him Ask for Punishment

Here’s a psychological experiment from fairly early on in our dynamic. ‘Turn your head,’ I said. He stared at me, side eyed and unmoving. I eyed him with mounting disapproval. ‘I’ll give you one more chance. Turn. Your. Head.’ Nothing. He was afraid I would bite him, leaving those blotchy

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General

Appearance Is Not The Foundation of Female Dominance

‘You want me, but you can’t have me. You’re not worthy,’ whispers the latex-clad dominatrix stereotype with her over-lined red lips. Her power stems in the fact she is an object of visual attraction. She is perfectly unattainable and therefore all the more desirable – a goddess on a pedestal

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BDSM Advice and Education

Why ‘Force Me To Submit’ Can Be A Red Flag

‘I need someone to force me to submit’ is yet another sentiment which shows up in my inbox surprisingly often. It has rubbed me the wrong way for as long as I can remember, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. After all, the rhetoric of force weaves itself

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Kink is an umbrella term
BDSM Advice and Education

The Difference Between ‘Kink’ and ‘Fetish’

The words ‘kink’ and ‘fetish’ are often used synonymously. They are however quite distinct. To give you the Cliff Notes – most kinks aren’t fetishes, but fetishes are kinks. When I sat down to this, I found a few conflicting definitions. So, in the interests of clarity, I had a

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BDSM Advice and Education

Why A Sub’s Inexperience Can Be a Red Flag

Inexperienced subs often cite said inexperience as the most significant barrier to finding a dominant. I’ve heard subs compare it to the Catch 22 posed by a lot of entry level jobs – everywhere you can get experience requires you to have experience already. Inexperience undoubtedly can count against a

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BDSM Advice and Education

The Sub / Domme Ratio

‘The ratio’ of dommes to subs is a myth. So, why do so many male subs claim that finding a domme is impossible?

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BDSM Advice and Education

Defining 24/7 and TPE

I would describe my dynamic as 24/7 TPE. This is often misunderstood, so I thought I’d attempt a definition.  First things first, it is worth nothing ’24/7′ and ‘TPE’ are two separate (although naturally interlinked) concepts. 24/7 refers to a dynamic in which there is no ‘off switch’. This means

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On Sadism: The Smile

There is a smile I smile whenever I am in a sadistic vein. I can’t help it. It’s entirely involuntary. I can just feel my face doing it. I have tried to stop it. It’s impossible. My face is just set on doing it. I thought about it somewhat today,

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‘Can I be your sub?’

This particularly inane question comes in two main variants; either in the opening message, or after a few questions about me, with very little effort to engage with my answers. In short, if you’re asking, then the answer is very probably no. D/s dynamics develop organically, over time. They take

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